M.D.F.

May 1st!!! Who knew

2006-07-01T23:46:00.000-04:00

Well.
I've been a little busy. A couple shows, moved from Barrie to my proper home in Niagara, and returned to the old "unemployment fallback": working on the farm and cutting grass (also getting requests for garden design work. Hmm, let me think about it).
I'm actually thankful for the break, since I'm artistically empty, and gives me a chance to think about what I'm doing in the theatre business, and more personal exploration.
But when I decide to get back to my blog, I'll be posting pictures of Squeep (the baby Canada goose the farm inherited), the two new fillies, the transformation at Pam's farm (so far) and any other little bits which may interest you. Or may not interest you.
And it will be soon, I promise. Just not right now, while I'm naked on the couch. Next to PRB playing video games.
XO

More Paradise

2006-04-12T20:18:00.000-04:00

Day Three continued
Spent the rest of the day laying around on the beach? or around one of the pools?, getting the beginning of a burn (primarily on my nose). Had our first dinner (10 p.m. reservation) at one of the specialty restaurants, the Mexican one, where they tried with the food, but were more successful with the decorations and costumes. Spent some time at a bar over a pool, listening to a bingo caller at the little theatre. Watched some T.V. and to bed.

Day Four
Patrick was up early all week - left me to sleep late. Breakfast, then coffee at El Captain bar. Can't get over how genuine these people, the Dominicans, are. Simply open and direct, recognizing my poor attempt to speak Spanish (but at least I'm trying, unlike some of our fellow travellers). We've been tipping, always, since it is such a little thing to us, but means so much to them. And they talk to eachother about the tippers!
After breakfast, since it was rainy, we sat around El Captain reading and watching, enjoying the beauty of the world.
At noon or so we catch the bus to The Marinarium, where we took a boat out onto the water to snorkle on the reef. It hasn't been sunny, which is nice really, since you might as well be in the water if its going to rain. The boat holds around 70 people I guess. The reef is incredible, perhaps not a colourful as it would be on a sunny day, but an amazing number and variety of fish, coral, and numerous urchins (our guide was balancing them on his flippers for a closer look). Then we swim back toward the boat, were we enter a sea-water enclosure, and get to snorkle with SHARKS and STING RAYS! Nurse sharks, mind you, but at least 10 feet long - at one point, I was swimming along and a BIG grey shadow swam the opposite direction under me, the shark tail being last to pass. Cool. The sting rays were beautiful, some speckled, some plainer but quite large.
After swimming around, and ending up getting reasonably cold, we got back on the boat and had some rum, got a spanish lesson on rum (rum in Spanish is actually Vitaminas), and had more rum. We were taken to a natural pool, a very shallow section of the ocean not far from the beach, where we went swimming again. They even had a floating bar (a tray of drinks on a life preserver). It was again beautiful, the little cove surrounded by coconut palms in both directions.
Home to a warm shower, I think I took a nap, and then to the bar to read and have a warm up drink.
Dinner at 10 p.m. again, at the Japanese restaurant on the property this time, where Patrick and I both preferred the decoration over the food, though the food could pass for North American Japanese. Regardless, when you've been on the water all day, food is food. During dinner, a tropical storm brewed up, torrents of water sheeting off the roofs, filling the low spots throughout the property. Our walk to the room included a foot deep wade, the water still not absorbed.
Day Five
Since we have an excursion planned for the whole day, we get our one and only wake up call at 7 a.m. and head to breakfast. We get ourselves together and to the lobby to be pciked up and brought to Altos de Chavon, a recreation of a Tuscan village, about two hours south. As well, we would get a chance to visit caves with 5,000 year old picoglyphs. However, after dutifully waiting for our pickup, we inquire with one of the agents about the trip. Apparently, because of the rain over night and lack of interest in this excursion, it has been cancelled. Well, okay, off to El Captain to read and drink coffee, hoping the morning will clear up for another beach day.
We do end up at the beach, though slightly cloudy, and I end up burning quite nicely across the shoulders while snorkling around in our little piece of the sea (though we're only able to get about 20 meters out, there are some small pockets of coral with anenomes, a variety of fish, and common urchins).
Simple dinner here, more time spent at the bar, some reading and suffering with my sunburn (I was kicking off about 3000 BTU's that night). Bed.
Day Six
Our last full day. This is a Holy Day for the Domincans, so there are no excursions, but everything else seems to be happening. We plan a shade day, to keep from getting burnt any further, but shade is pretty hard to come by down here (the palm trees are so tall that the shade moves about twenty feet every hour). It's very busy, since everyone is here for the day, but we find a tree back from the crowd and get comfortable. Cervezas for me.
Patrick and I walk down the beach to check out how big the neighbouring hotel is, and it's huge! It's the Barcelo Resort, and must have at least 5,000 rooms. And is populated with lots of Americans, unlike ours which has a more International flavour (Italian, French, German, Canadian, and other Spanish countries). I like IFA, since it probably only has around 2,000 rooms.
Day Seven
Last day. Packing up our stuff and organizing for the flight immediately after breakfast. We check our bags, and head for the beach. It's hard to let such a beautiful place go, but we've both felt it has been a very complete holiday, very satisfying. The gorgeous sand and beaches, the hospitality of the people. Next trip will not be an all-inclusive, but will be with the people of the Dominican. Since we don't need to get on the bus until close to 6 p.m., we wander back to one of the pool areas and hang out there. Such a difference of atmosphere, music going, people packed so closely together. We decide we much prefer the beach.
Well, we start heading home, changing into plane clothes and SHOES! Patrick has a quiet melancholy about leaving, about the contrast in living, between the "tourists" and the locals.
We arrive to an airport in chaos, massive line ups for flights returning to various places. Our line is mercifully short, and we decide the luxury of business class was too good, and upgrade at the desk. We run into our flight comrades, The Kumars, who we shared time with on the flight down.
We arrive home in Toronto at 2:15 a.m., drive home, and crash.
Bliss.

Missing in Paradise

2006-04-11T17:53:00.000-04:00

Well, a brief history of our trip to the Dominican so far.

Saturday, arrive Toronto airport, gave Scott the key to our house and car. Got our tickets from the Nolitours desk, no problem. Checked our luggage immediately. Went to Swiss Chalet to have a beer and food. Had to wait until 3:30 for boarding.
Upon boarding, posed the question of an upgrade to business class, since we're on our "togetherness break". We took our assigned seats, and were immediately invited to business class. Luxury, especially the leg room. But also the champagne and orange juice, the gin on the rocks, a better than average dinner, red wine, and scotch.
Arrive Dominican Republic, get through immigration, finally get our luggage (first on the plane, last off), and get bused through Punta Cana to our resort. Patrick and I are not generally resort people, but since this was quite last minute, we weren't picky. Met Anibal, a porter and security guard at the resort, who showed us to our room, and chatted up Patrick in Spanish (Anibal has relatives in Ontario). We got settled, and proceeded to the bar and ordered two cerveza. Followed by two rums on the rocks. And then a walk on the beach and a dipping of the toes, just to make sure it was real. Went to bed at a reasonable hour, only to hear the disco on the beach coming directly into our room. We did sleep, sliding doors closed. The end of Day One.

Day One.
We are both awake around 7:00 a.m., which is unusual for both of us. Breakfast buffet, bad coffee and off to the pool. It is Sunday, and we're both surprized construction is continuing on a new spa, even on the Sabbath. Lazy morning around the pool, waiting to book three excursions and dinners. Finally we get to speak to Martin, a French Canadian with delightful accent and Bambi lashes. We book our horseback riding for Monday afternoon through Caramel.
More pool time. Lunch buffet. To the beach (of course I missed a spot on my chest putting on sunblock - a little glowing patch below my neck) for the afternoon. Dinner buffet. More drinking that night. Bed and more disco.

Day Two
Since we are only here for a week, and we're interested in more than just sitting around on the beach, we booked a horseback trip. Knowing the economic situation, I figured the horses wouldn't be overfed bohemoths, but gaunt, slow-moving pack horses. Patrick and I spent the morning at a different pool (there are three on the property, not including the ocean), and then headed to the lobby after lunch to get picked up by the shuttle. We were barely three minutes away, went the driver hit one of the gates with the bus, causing an arguement, we turned around, talked to someone else, turned around again, and continued to pick up other people from different resorts. We only made one stop, and continued on our rather highspeed drive to the four-wheel drive and horse location. Patrick and I were the only people taking the horses, our fellow Canadians were taking the 4W offroad crazy trip. We felt that we saw a great amount of local life here on the island, as well as beautiful countryside and plantations. My little horse was decidedly the leader, despite my attempts to get her beside Patrick. And my butt is still sore from trying to post in a western saddle, which I've learned is just not done, since it hurts so much. We arrived at a beautiful beach, obviously not owned by a hotel, but a local beach. Being surrounded by Dominicans, not English or white people. Slow ride home. Slow bus home. Another cocktail. Long nap for me. Dinner at 10 p.m.

Day Three
Today Patrick and I slept a little later, had a leisurely breakfast, went to get some good coffee at the El Capitan bar, then headed to the beach, where we spent the whole day. Having some rum, doing a little email, and then a short nap. More by the end of the week.

MichaelXO

Day 19

2006-03-29T19:19:00.000-05:00

I'll admit I've been rather quiet these past couple of weeks. Getting used to the drug, busy creating the next show, designing the show after that, and organizing a long-awaited togetherness break with Patrick (Dominican Republic - we were dreaming of Venice, but left it too late, and they hit high season when we're interested in going).

The drug: one of the side effects, especially when changing doses, is unusual tireness. I've never felt so low-energy, despite my improved mental state. Yes, this drug has effected my libido - much to my chagrin. However, my digestion has responded fine, I haven't lost my appetite, and I'm not losing weight. And I'm much more capable of dealing with my mental garbage than ever before, leaving me clear-headed to do my work. Now, if only I wasn't sleeping so much . . .

Things are moving along nicely for Moving Day. Though there are changes (to be expected with a new show) none have effected to overall vision of the show - just details and finessing, letting the peotic and magical quality of the writing and music come through.

Emily, the final show this year, is in a good place right now, but has budget restrictions which I have to deal with. A big show on a little budget? Definitely do-able, regardless of the challenge.
Real birch trees onstage, probably will upstage anything else I can do.

And the togetherness trip to Dominican - meaning "honeymoon", a word which is meaningless today (just received an email from "Restore Marriage Canada" yesterday, disturbing me to no end, since Patrick and I were married in September - don't they realize it's hear to stay?). Patrick and I finally have a week off together, something which will prove to be a rarity in the future, and we're taking the opportunity to get away, relax, enjoy ourselves and consummate our marriage (ha, ha). The official certificate just arrived in the mail. Very serious looking document, I'm told.

Mirthful moment today, as I picked up empty pill bottles from Shoppers Drug Mart: I was standing, waiting patiently as the kind woman behind the counter searched for lids to the bottles, when I glanced down at a patient information pad. The first item list read "patient is not on fire", forcing me to read it again. I thought, good god, what are they doing here if they are on fire?

It actually read "patient is not on file."
Laughter is good.

Day Nine

2006-03-19T18:01:00.000-05:00

Started out a little edgy today - as though I drank too much coffee, but hadn't. I slept for twelve hours yesterday, starting around 6 p.m. Got up to eat something, went back to bed until getting up at seven this morning. Still sleepy, a side effect of the drug. Should wear off as my body gets used to the drug.

And cold - not only do we have heat issues up here (not only are we in Barrie, but the barn I work in NEVER gets warm, and the propane ran out at the beach-insert ironic comment here-house, leaving the baseboard heating to do all the work), but I can't take my scarf off. Slight whole body chill today. Appetite still good.

Mental situation very good. Managing to get things done (when awake), not being attacked with frustrating, false insecurities. Not as much "amused" with everything as before, but that's okay.

Libido did you say? Let me get back to you.

Did have a moment when I thought I forgot to take my pill - one of those "did I lock the front stove turn off the dog put the door out" thoughts - and let it go. Was pretty sure I had taken it.

Grey and windy.

It's all good.

Emily, a missing cell phone and day five

2006-03-14T18:54:00.000-05:00

Had a design meeting for Emily yesterday, the final production here at Talk is Free Theatre. It's a big show, moves reasonably quickly and requires period costumes. Being directed by Richard Ouzounian and musical directed by Marek Norman (book & lyrics, music & orchestration respectively), at first I was a little intimidated, considering the resources available here and the place these two men hold in the Canadian theatre industry. Upon meeting them back in January, and this most recent meeting, I find both Richard and Marek charming, supportive men and quite willing to pare-down the show. I'm very interested to see the results of the production, since it will not likely be what everyone expects.

Left from Niagara this morning, later than I would have liked. Realized after driving for a half hour I had forgotten my cell phone. I usually place it on the passenger seat for quick pickup. I turned around and got back to the house, Patrick had already left for the gym and I searched around for the phone. I even called it, using Patrick's cell phone, to try to hear it ring. Nothing. I re-checked the car, in unusual places, and still came up empty. Decided I must have filed it deeper than ever, and drove away again (I'm sure the cats must think I'm crazy, walk around the house just looking at things). As I was driving through Queenston, I saw Patrick driving toward me. I pulled over and waited for him to pull behind me and got out. He was still in his bathrobe! He saw my phone, and raced off after me, trying to catch up. Said he got as far as Jordan before giving up. What determination and wonderfulness he is. I wish he drove a motorcycle, that would be a vision!

Day five of being on apo-paroxetine. I'm less sure of the real effects of the drug, vs. the imagined effects, the placebo effect (since I know I'm taking drugs, of course I feel better! - I'm not a hypocondriac, so I don't think that could be true, but perhaps just knowing I'm on the road . . .). I admitted to Michelle that everything was mildly amusing, as though I had a joke I wanted to tell. Perhaps just the beginnings of feeling better, re-learning to enjoy things. Don't take it for granted. I didn't even realize it was gone. Which might explain previous emotional experiences that didn't make sense.

Well, on we go. Spring is just around the corner.
XO

And now, the drugs.

2006-03-11T19:22:00.000-05:00

Was I interested in getting your attention with the title? Well, perhaps, but I'm also trying to be truthful, open, honest. And unashamed. I'm on Apo-Paroxetine, as of Friday, to try to alleviate this depression/anxiety combo. There have been previous postings, where I discussed some reading I've been doing. And the books will continue. The drug is simply to FUNCTION, to get things done, and start fixing the mental garbage I've been carrying. I don't mind the baggage, I just wish the handles weren't all damaged, and every piece didn't have at least one broken wheel!

Basically, I'm trying to correct a lot of negative thinking patterns, confidence, etc., which have lead to feeling alone, empty, tired. Lack of interest in things which used to interest me, no interest in anything some days. But, on the scale of depression, this is mild, and I know it. I've experienced someone elses depression first hand, and mine is mild.

So, why the drug? After getting my blood work done, and everything came back totally normal and healthy (my first time, I was a blood-taking virgin - at 32! Very cool to see the colour and the amount that comes out of your body, and apparently I've got great veins for it), the doctor and I decided perhaps to try DRUGS. Such an negative connotation, being ON DRUGS. Like I need to BE DRUGGED. I'm only on 20 mg to start. And isn't everybody on something these days?

Like I said, the mental work is still primary. The drug is simply a respite, allowing clarity and energy, maybe to find some passion again (I'll readily admit, I've lost completely), find some interest in my work. Part of analyzing your life, simply listing things, you start seeing the good things, understanding that they are good. But the problem is BELIEVING these things are good, trusting the world, feeling judged . . . Even when you aren't being judged at all (or not nearly as harshly as you judge yourself). And I know my life is good, intellectually, rationally. Leave me a comment if you're interested in telling me about your life. But be genuine. I've been faking it for too long.

DRUGS. DRUGS. DRUGS.

Which will explain many upcoming postings. And the title, but not the address, is definitely going to change. I'm still thinking. Suggestions welcome, but I've already eliminated Designer on Drugs. Too temporary, since I hope to NOT be with the year. And many things may change. Designer on the Run?

Well, sketches to be completed for Monday.
I'll be fine. Just working some stuff out.
(And for those who REALLY know me, the actor and I are fabulous)

Love to all, be good to yourselves.

2006-03-08T16:37:00.000-05:00

Moving Day - the next of the season at Talk is Free Theatre - is set on July 20, 1969, the night before the moon landing on July 21. Being a one-woman show, the world around her must lend itself to being both support AND character, supplying the audience with some understanding of place and psychology.

Sharon and her family are moving, again, to follow her husbands career - moving, something which has become an art for Sharon, among other creative pursuits. I've decided to surround her, create her house, with the moving boxes which contain all the family's possessions. Even the two man band will be initially hidden by boxes. And the boxes later become a city, little windows lit up, the Chrysler building, Empire State, apartments. Lots of fun. LOTS of boxes.

Just watched Patrick drive away, heading back to St. Jacobs. Hmm. What a transient life we lead. What a blessing the cats will be, filling the space with their own quiet energy. Something which feels so lovely to me, a warm, purring creature, willing to love and be loved, unintentionally distracting with simple needs.

Blog name-change soon.

Vagina Monologues 2006

2006-03-08T00:04:00.000-05:00

Just returned home from The Vagina Monologues at the Fallsview Casino - a great show, despite interruptions from the security system announcing a possible fire. Cindy Williams, of Lavern and Shirley fame, and five other professional actors took the stage, performing to about 1,200 women - and a handful of men, Patrick and I included. Eve Ensler (and all the women who were interviewed) has given women a great, liberating gift. It is about time women's roles were expanded to include everything they are - beyond the traditional. Felt the design from last year was better - as PRB said if it broke . . .

Wonderful to spend some time at home. We've become cat-sitters to Maggie and Louis, a pair of long, smokey darlings, who are already helping to move the chi around.

I think I'm a RENT-head

2006-03-04T12:18:00.000-05:00

Back when RENT was onstage in Toronto, a friend and I drove into T.O. to watch the show. We were a little late (parking, QEW) but got seated immediately. Even though I had missed the opening portion of the show, I was drawn in and loved every remaining minute. I didn't become enthralled enough to sit outside for hours on end waiting to see it again, but remember driving home in a euphoric state, knowing I had experienced a defining theatre moment.

I didn't avoid watching the movie last year, but missed it on my schedule and budget. Finally, after Patrick watch the film in St. Jacobs, I decided to rent the DVD, and sit back and enjoy it alone.

It was an amazing experience. I think I needed to see RENT right now, it confirmed so many things about being an artist, helping to understand part of the isolation and confusion, the emotional existence we lead. Not only is the film brightly crafted, and does incredible justice to the original, the medium allowed for a "filling in" of the missing pieces - the world, the history, the sensual existence of these people. Though it is definitely becoming a period piece, it still speaks to everyone equally.

Love today, live today.
Thank you Jonathon Larson

Photo shoot, Jann Arden and the Twilight Zone

2006-03-01T13:13:00.000-05:00

Been at home, at Serenity, for almost two weeks, working, convalescing, but had to make an overnight trip to Barrie for two seminars. The first week was not particilarly productive, but I had a chance to entertain my parents, my grandmother and my sister, her husband and their three kids - all on the same night! I did a ham, something I'm quite good at, Mom brought chocolate mousse (awesome! as always), Sammy brought a great salad, and we did mashed potatoes and roasted beets and yams. A very earthy, homestyle dinner, warm and comforting. Lily and Max also had their first birthdays! I'm amazed at how dis-similar the twins have become - their personalities are strong already (no, not in our family?!). Had an opportunity to hang out with Pam as well, which was very healthy and enlightening.

Was at the library to pick up the Emily of New Moon series, and decided to check out the CD collection (NOTL library - not extensive), came across two Jann Arden CD's I've never heard, one with the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra, and a four CD collection of music from the Twilight Zone. Scott, you'll be interested to know I can't get enough of Jann, including her standup between songs. There are even certain songs which pull me away from what I'm doing, and especially now with my emotions all raw.
I had just watched Dial 'M' in St. Jacobs, and watch Vertigo on video. Imagine my surprize when music hinting at both starts piping through the stereo. Bernard Herrmann wrote for Alfred Hitchcock quite often, a genuinely gifted pairing. The music from the Twilight Zone covers four seasons, with a unusual collection of styles. If you get a chance, borrow it or buy it.

Three photos from the photo shoot - I had no idea the first would end up being so graphic, so Oedipus. The second was an accident, and the third is just saucy - being goofy, naked, being proud of my body. It's an interesting experience having the camera staring at you, forgetting the camera is staring at you. The use of the paint needs to be expanded, and needs to be in a large space - somewhere the paint can be thrown, spattered. This shoot was too controlled, too contained. Perhaps more to come. Patrick's photography website.

Must go, finishing a design today, stuff to do for the Vagina Monologues and back to Barrie for the weekend to tear down a set.

Be naked - we're born that way.

2006-03-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

Snowflakes and Chaos

2006-02-17T14:14:00.000-05:00

What is the real possibility for no two snowflakes being identical? Living in Barrie would suggest that even chaos would give up and repeat itself once in a while. It would be the search for the two identical snowflakes which would prove useless.

Not bothering with photographs today - there is as much snow in the air as on the ground. We have an icerink for a driveway at the Beach House, and the broken door (baby inside, mother outside, kicked in, still not repaired, not my responsibility) was blown open last night, allowing a small snow drift to accumulate in the kitchen. I don't know how long the door was open, but the furnace was certainly running for some time. And we've been told the previous propane fill up cost $1300.00! We're not paying for that, especially considering the amount of insulation in the Beach House.

Opening tonight - home Sunday.
Love to all.

Freezing Rain and First Preview

2006-02-16T21:08:00.000-05:00

Woke up to a reasonable snowfall, followed by freezing rain, and now, just rain. Blegh. Had a seriously pissed-off moment in the parking lot at Walmart, of course, when a woman decided it wasenough to scrape her front and rear windows, but didn't bother to scrape the side one. Think maybe you might need to see out those windows, you idiot? Or that the side windows couldn't be nearly as bad as the front? Moron. After having cleaned my windows thoroughly FOUR times today, so that I didn't kill someone. Let it go, let it go, breathe, breathe, in with the good, out with the bad.

We've just hit intermission for "All You Ever Wanted To Know About Bad Theatre" here in Barrie - it is a show, despite the material we were handed at the beginning. Now it remains to be seen if the audience appreciates any of the humour contained within, which there is. Perhaps a bit vague at times, definitely some clown, but comedy none the less.

Been a bit grey and somber today - both climactically and emotionally. Just getting through to opening this show, and working on the next. I'm really excited to be working with Cathy Elliott on her new show Moving Day. 1969, first man on the moon, mother alone in an empty house surrounded by packed belongings, waiting for the moving men.

Still re-examining self, still enjoying the gym (a slightly dirty old man was hitting on me, very obviously, in the sauna tonight), enjoyed a brief listen to the CBC (Ma Brown, I thought of you, as a woman yodelling Mozart came on this afternoon - of course it was on Jurgen Gothe's programme!) and finished a show.

Spending a day in St. Jacobs to watch Dial M this Saturday. A little break before the next show.

And congrats to Jeffrey Buttle, winning the bronze for Canada tonight - he's a member of GoodLife here in Barrie, so we're close, doncha know.

Goodnight

What can I say . . .

2006-02-12T18:59:00.000-05:00

Night of the full moon, working alone in the theatre tonight, getting stuff done so I can have a partial day off tomorrow, and enjoy some time in Toronto.
We're all tired, which is effecting our sense of the production, but I'm still having trouble taking much out of this show - the theatre is a job, like any other. I count myself lucky to be doing something I love, rather than doing a job I hate because I have to. So, continuing to create and move through the less-than-fantastic show, looking forward to the next one.
But continuing to do my best, give my all, as I always do. Every production deserves that attention, whether it be for children (when it should be even better) or adults, or re-examining a classic.
To everyone who works because they have to, who provide an essential service for all of us, thank you. I'm pretty sure the things I do provide you with an kind of essential service: filling the soul, encouraging laughter, eliciting tears.
Entertaining & enlightening.

We still have our Christmas Tree

2006-02-11T18:58:00.000-05:00

Not really, but that's how it looks, as you walk out the front door of the "beach house". This snow-covered tree presents itself to you, all perfect and real.

My favourite part is posted below.

This is why we put icicles on Christmas Trees! I don't think I've seen this before, but I think it's great. These pics are all from this morning, a beautiful, crisp, sunny morning.

Real ICICLES on a TREE. Cool.

Waking up on beautiful mornings

2006-02-11T18:41:00.000-05:00

The state the current show is in, as of late last night. I'm reserving judgement.

I worked late last night, until around 1 a.m. Went home to bed. Had to be up this morning for costume fittings, and wanted to be in around 9 a.m. so I set my alarm for 8:15 a.m. I seldomly get up with my alarm, but roll around, putting off the inevitable.

I woke up this morning around 7:45, gently, feeling good, happily in love with my partner (who is in St. Jacobs, see Actor in Exile) and enjoying the warmth of bed. And it was beautiful outside, sunlight streaming across untouched snow (blinding me for the rest of the day). Even the slow leak in my driver's front tire didn't bother me.

Gorgeous day!

Dial 'M' for Murder Opening Night

2006-02-09T19:34:00.000-05:00

PRB (Actor in Exile) has opening night tonight in St. Jacobs.
Merde to Patrick!
XXOO

Atlas I am not.

2006-02-09T19:05:00.000-05:00

As I was eating lunch today, listening to the CBC as I usually do, the hourly newscast came on, discussing the recent comics which were published, insulting members of the Muslim faith. Since I am a sensitive person, and particularly sensitive right now, I was upset over how easily we make and keep grudges, seeing people as the enemy, hating over the centuries. Religious organizations and faiths of the world encourage their "flock" or "following" to be considerate of everyone, including those who may not agree with particular doctrines or teachings. At what point will we recognize our basic needs are identical, and working toward supporting everyone's needs will satisfy ALL our needs. I know I can't take on such a large problem, but trying to give just a little to everyone can help. Large shoulders, sure. Atlas I am not.

Starting to meditate, trying to focus my mind and clear out the negative, un-necessary thoughts which interfere in daily life, and sometimes become overwhelming. Having just come through a reasonably stressful period (August to December), I'm finding my body is having a hard time coming down from the adrenaline, and sorting out when the time for ME is. I've been enjoying the gym, but a little, judgemental voice breaks in (I have, however, found myself feel good enough about my body to do another nude photo shoot with PRB. I'll post the decent ones soon). Who's voice is that? I've worked hard enough to get where I am, I certainly don't need to berate myself for taking time to NOT work, and simply enjoy something for myself. And I'd rather help my body carry me until I'm 90, rather than impede it by becoming sedentary and loaf-shaped.

Also trying to commit to a book which encourages you to accept yourself as you are, that we are perfect, complete and beautiful right now. There are definitely challenges in that, too. Most men would find it difficult to be honest about ANYTHING they feel. I find I feel too much, too often. Not that it's a bad thing. Letting go of 30-year-old processes is difficult enough. Little steps.

Be here now, in this moment. Don't worry about the things you can't change, or the things that haven't happened, or other people judging. None of that is you. You are you, and you are beautiful.

Our new blanket

2006-02-07T21:08:00.000-05:00

I was certainly expecting snow, living here in Barrie, and knew to expect it - but this is incredible! I very briefly felt like a kid in school, knowing I would play for hours outside because the schools would be closed. And for those of you curently in warmer climes, panicking over a mere one inch of snow, that is a picnic table on the deck. And that is the full foot of snow on top of the picnic table.

Tonight it is clear and cold - one of those nights when the snow sounds like it is breaking under your boot, crystals of ice shimmering in the air.

One of the "roadways" on the property near the theatre.

Behind the shrub which is covered in snow is the window to the office I share with our Production Manager, Michelle. With the snow this heavy on the shrub, we no longer have a view of the parking lot (thankfully) - still plenty of light though.

Not too much else to say. Kind of uninspired with the current show.
Goodnight.

The Return of Winter

2006-02-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

Took Sunday at home this week, since it was Patrick's last day off until March 6th, and I wanted to enjoy our house a little. Driving home Saturday night, through the slush and rain, I figured the storm was done by Sunday. As I drove back to Barrie, just north of Toronto, a major snow-squall, white-out conditions, snow-covered roads situation. A little crazy. Just a little.

The February 1st Update

2006-02-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

This has been a long time coming. I've been promising photos from shows since October, and I'm finally getting around to it. I don't have pics of everything here, but most of the shows since last March are here. I'm not going to retell any stories. And they're out of order.

Vagina Monologues - March 2005 - Avalon Ballrom, Fallsview Casino for Women's Place St. Catharines

Moliere - April 2005 - Talk is Free Theatre, Barrie

The beginning of the floor for the upcoming show All you ever wanted to know about bad theatre - TiFT - Sunday, January 29, around 2 p.m.

Amahl and the Night Visitors - December 2005 - Evergreen Singers at Grace United Church - there's an organ under the fireplace.

Home for Christmas - November 2005 - Leslie Arden, Cathy Elliott, Glynis Ranney - TiFT
I never got any "in-show" pics for this show - the tree eventually went black.

Salt Water Moon - August 2005 - Theatre in Port

Playground - January 2006 - TiFT
This was the world premier of this show - we just closed it Saturday night - by midnight the stage was grey, prepping for the next.

The Glass Menagerie - October 2005 - TiFT

The new house

2006-02-01T23:02:00.000-05:00

Finally, I am able to bring you some shots of the house - which has a continuing investigation of how Frank Lloyd Wright or his firm was associated with the construction. Due to the in-exhaustible efforts of Patrick, I returned for a week home in January to curtains and paintings hung, kitchen organized and office prepared for my continuing organization. We even spent some time rearranging furniture.
We're both in love with the house - enjoying the beautiful light streaming in from skylights in the mornings, the peace of the surrounding orchards AND being able to function in the kitchen while Patrick sleeps without trying to muffle the sound of the coffee grinder. Note to mention the return of Patrick's piano, a gorgeous instrument, with as gorgeous a voice and player. I'll have to get used to finding Patrick to talk to him, since we can no longer hear from room to room.

The zen lounge, a mostly useless space at the top of the stairs - nobody can stand up beyond the blue candle holder.

The well-equipped kitchen - office through beaded curtain, another door to basement, another to the rest of the house.

Patrick's piano at the front of the dining/music room.

The view from the front entrance - we've already moved that painting.

Rainbow Trout Experiment & More on BodyWorlds

2006-02-01T14:35:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to eat more fish - Omega 3 oils, protein, generally just good for you. But until recently, I haven't been much of a "raw fish" purchaser - mostly breaded (or sushi, but someone else would be preparing it). I bought a large fillet of rainbow trout on Sunday, along with some anchovies and rosemary, and hadn't gotten around to cooking it until yesterday. I knew the rosemary would end up being quite strong compared to the fish, but nothing prepared me for the flavour the anchovies ended up giving the fish! I'm cooking everything on an electric grill (no stove up here in Barrie) so I put the rosemary under the fish, and the anchovies on top, and closed the lid. Well, not necessarily something I'll do again, but not a complete failure. My previous trout-on-the-grill-with-butter was better.

We've just started rehearsals for "all you ever wanted to know about bad theatre", an umbrella title for two Chekhov pieces (Drama & The Evils of Tobacco) and Daniel McIvor's This is a Play. Sasha Lukac is directing (Moliere last year) and we've decided to put all three together into one show, where we slip from one into another.
Sasha, calling me in his bellowing voice, asks me about the BodyWorlds exhibit and what I thought (see below). He's said he felt dirty coming out of the exhibit, which shocked me, since I think of Sasha as a liberal-minded, forward-thinking individual. I never felt as though the display was ART, but simply a scientific exposition. I suddenly felt as though I should not have been there, as though I contibuted to the display. I prefer to think back to the first autopsies, and how doctors were considered butchers. Well, entitlement to opinion.

Thoroughly Impressed

2006-01-28T17:11:00.000-05:00

BodyWorlds2 is an amazing display! To see how muscles knit together with ligaments, and tendons attached to bone - the spinal column actually seems to unbraid itself near the base of the spine! Even the display of the pregnant woman (though painful and emotional) it is still an incredible gift to the medical community to SEE the internal workings of the human body as is. It's also amazing how packed together the organs are in our chest cavity. I've always imagined a slightly more comfortable placement of the organs, but they are packed cheek by jowl - no wonder things get left behind in surgery. Whether you agree with the practice of plastination or not, you cannot argue with the opportunity to learn - DaVinci would be front and centre, examining every tissue and connection. Highly recommended view, and worth all $20.00.

I was disappointed with the lighting - rather than all-round ambient light, the display has harsh, single-source lighting. Some areas were in such deep shadow, it was difficult to examine carefully.

I'll also admit to a faulty pre-conceived notion - that people would be reacting strongly, and protecting others from viewing the displays. The buildup to a complete human body (without skin) is gentle but direct. Included in the display is a colt, and an adult camel and baby. A comparious of the working of our stomachs and theirs. There were numerous school groups there, students eagerly absorbing information, with the occasional chuckle among a small group. Nothing is sacred, we've made the same jokes as children (and adults, for that matter).
Well, must get back to the big, red curtain.
Cheers. Take care of yourselves.

2006-01-27T10:09:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOZART!
That's not really all I have to say today. Considering the results of the election earlier this week, it is nice to have a celebration of beautiful music to close the week.
Visiting the Ontario Science Centre tonight - going to the BodyWorlds 2 exhibit. I'm excited, and vaguely nervous. Since I'm working my way through a book of DaVinci's work, the inner workings of the human body are currently fascinating. I'm curious to see OTHER people reacting to the exhibit. The western mind is so fraught with shame about how our body looks and what it produces, I'm more interested in watching when people turn away, and when they edit FOR THEIR CHILDREN. Living with an eleven-month-old really enlightens how naked and shame-free we are as children, the freedom of not knowing social conditioning. Certainly some of our civilized values protect us all from each other, but to be ashamed of our naked bodies, the beautiful machine we inhabit, the gift we have been given? Maybe McDonald's is to blame (okay, not just McD's, but all fast food westerners eat gluttonously).
Well, it is a beautiful, sunny day here in Barrie. I'm off to buy some threaded rod.
XOXO

Our politics

2006-01-23T17:36:00.000-05:00

I voted last week - at the early polls since I can't vote here in Barrie. I voted to keep Canada organized and efficient, rather than spending the next two years or so watching the government rip apart the previous two or three years work. When was the last time a government actually work together for the good of the country as a whole, instead of simply blocking the other party policies? You may vote for a Conservative (god forbid) and I may vote Liberal, but can't both parties see the inherent value of certain issues being brought forward?

I'm seriously hoping Canadians carry on the tradition of surprizing even themselves. Michael Moore is right - we have a wonderful sense of irony, but having Steven Harper as our Prime Minister? Does he understand the meaning of those two words? Will he continue to act like a five year old on recess while in the Chamber?

I'm tired of puffy, white, hetero businessmen running this country, without having someone in the House of Commons there to FORCIBLY REMOVE the idiots calling each other names. Let's solve our problems by screaming - it always works at home with the wife. I've met more intelligent reptiles (that might be an insulting comparison to the reptiles).

Tuesday is only six short hours away, here in Ontario. My only hope is that September 19th meant something to more people than just Patrick and I. www.michaelandpatrick.com

A favourite quote

2006-01-23T16:03:00.000-05:00

Be exceptional. Make tremendous efforts to be extraordinary. What a privilege to be here on the planet to contribute your unique donation to humankind. Just be sure you do so . . .

Opening Night of Playground

2006-01-13T18:03:00.000-05:00

Preview performance was fantastic last night - unsure about whether I'm right, this is a good show, or not. I'm emotionally attached right now. So, come see it, not just for me, but for the whole.
Exciting meeting this afternoon with Richard O. and Marek N. for the design of Emily.
Looking forward to a week at home, finally, in the new house, while I design the next show, All you ever wanted to know about bad theatre.
And a week with the boyfriend (aka: Patrick).
Spent two hours ironing the skydrop for Playground yesterday - very zen. Ironing a huge blue silk drop. Looks much better now.
Some final notes I should be getting on with.
Love to all,
Michael

Another Installment of MIB

2006-01-08T18:01:00.000-05:00

Good Evening Everyone,

Since I'm feeling a little chuffed about having just completed Talk is Free Theatre's first full floor treatment, I thought I would take the time to say hello.

My last update didn't include any photos, and neither does this one. I've saved the photos from previous productions this season at home, and since PRB and I just moved, our lives have been in an upheaval. I did get an overnight stay in our new house, and Patrick has done some beautiful things. We both agreed the house has a unique energy. Perhaps some house pics and production pics in the next email, after this Friday's opening night.

Playground, which is the opening I'm elluding to, is a new Canadian musical by Joey Miller, directed by Jim Betts, musical direction by Ryan deSouza with a star-studded (if you can say that in Canada) cast. It is set in 1973, in a Toronto playground. The principle character, Benny, sits on a swing, and eventually chains himself to it.

The design is simple, which is to my taste anyway, but is a suggestive, representational vision of a playground in fall: two panels of bright red, orange and yellow dyed silk hang above, a single 30 foot wide panel of mottled blue silk hangs as the sky, and the deck has been painted to represent fall grass and a path through the playgournd. And of course, the swing, which is strong enough to hold a piano.

The show is wonderful! It is not really uplifting, nor is it a downer, but leaves the audience with questions of moving on, growing up, making choices. I'd love to invite all of you to see it, since it is so human and emotional.

It's a quiet Sunday up here tonight. Everyone has left for their respective homes, leaving me quite alone to paint and work on costumes. Kind of a weird isolation.

Next up: All You Ever Wanted To Know About Bad Theatre - This is a Play, by Daniel MacIvor, and Drama and The Evils of Tobacco, by Anton Chekhov. Barrie mightn't be ready for this, Ethel.

Lots of love, my regards
Michael XO

Happy New Year! MIB issue #?

2006-01-02T17:57:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't been keeping up with my MIB file, I'll simply NOT number them at all. I've forgotten to do so thus far anyway.
Visited the dentist's office prior to the holidays - I'm quite impressed! The painters have done an amazing job, the sytro work that was created in Calgary looks awesome, and now I'm simply waiting for a return visit to see the completed train bridge.
Started building Playground, the next Talk is Free show, before the holidays. Written by Joey Miller, directed by Jim Betts, musical director Ryan deSouza and an amazing cast (Jeff Madden, Lisa Horner, Peggy Mahon, and others), set in a playground 1973. Simply set (painted floor treatment, silk panels above to represent the fall coloured leaves, sky drop of silk), except the swing, where I learned ALOT about chain (currently we have chain which is capable of supporting a piano!). Sounds great, I'm aiming to match and support.
Just returned to the north today, after the "holiday" week, during which Patrick and I packed up our little two bedroom apartment, and just yesterday, moved into a Frank Lloyd Wright influenced (or designed? we don't know for sure yet) two bedroom cottage! The space is amazing, a kitchen big enough for three bums, a designated studio space and PATRICK HAS A SHOE CLOSET! I actually heard him laugh heartily after arranging his shoes (I'm not sure if they are organized by era or by colour. I'll be sure to let you know). We're both loving the space, and the genuine "grown-up" feel of the house. Now we both need to learn that we can't hear eachother all the time.
I'm jumping back into the fray today, pushing forward to next week's tech days.
All my best and happiness to everyone for the New Year.
Michael

Missing in Barrie

2005-12-17T21:12:00.000-05:00

Well, yeah, it has been a long time. Things have been slightly crazy, in a good way, but crazy none the less.
Since I can't remember where I left off during the last chapter, this will be truly a suspense cliffhanger. Because I probably won't finish stories I started last time.

Three projects: Home for Christmas (opened November 24, closed December 10), a great experience with Leslie Arden, Cathy Elliott and Glynis Ranney (Danny Austin Choreo and Assistant Director). I was sick for the first part of the rehearsal process, so I felt behind the whole time (mind you, Glass Menagerie had opened the Friday before the first day of Home).
Amahl and the Night Visitors (opened December 8th, closes December 18) has been a year long process of planning and designing (set, costume and lighting), communication from Barrie the whole time. Transforming Grace United Church into a theatre space was exciting, but because of the windows, all lighting effects died. Turned out to be a delightful, sweet show, with some great performances (primarily an amateur cast, two professional actors).
The Children's Area at Dr. Dave Fieldings: Has come along beautifully! I couldn't be happier about the results so far (I last saw the space on Monday night, a few elements of mine still missing, carpet and wallpaper in the rest of the office).

So, that's it for projects. Life hasn't been particularly exciting, since the projects have been taking up so much time. Started going to the gym which feels good, mainly to regain the weight I've lost recently. Spending some time reading Gina Mallet's book Last Chance to Eat, increasing my desire for cheese and eggs. Right now I'm reading about the beef boom. I'll probably start dreaming about fillets now.

Currently building the next show for Talk is Free in Barrie. Playground starts Barrie rehearsals Monday, onstage. I've been spending this week preparing to install a safety-rated swing (chain and woodn seat). Since the cast is predominantly unionized, and I certainly wouldn't want the swing to break during a performance, we're using spec 80 chain (I've no idea how much weight that chain can carry, but it is the only chain which allows for VERTICAL lift, versus a chain rated for towing). My favourite part of this past week is the grinder, which I rented for cutting the chain. Imagine, double spectacled (safety glasses), leather gloved, sparks bouncing off my jeans in a hundred year old WOODEN barn! It is still standing. My favourite part was the sparks actually bouncing off my forehead and safety glasses (apparently not hot enough to ignite hair). The rest of the set is very minimal, sky and foliage above. Set in 1973, it will be a great costume show. Can't wait for the prints.

Not much else to report. Except that there is lots of snow (I have genuine snow tires this year. Already very required).

Lots of love, and my best for the holidays,
Michael

M.I.B. Issue #2

2005-11-13T21:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, yes it has been three full weeks since the last/first installment - but I'm a busy boy. Let me know if you'd like a copy of the first MIB, as a refresher.
Okay - just the highlights (sort of like the news at 11, when they show all the hockey passes and goals, but cut out all the other boring stuff - well, it's all a bit boring to me).

October was build month for Glass Menagerie, and an attempt at designing another show, Home for Christmas, while also working on I Do! I Do! for Theatre in Port, Amahl and the Night Visitors for Evergreen Singers at Grace United Church, and the children's waiting area at Dr. Dave Fieldings dental office.
I won't do that all in one month again.
However, I'm thrilled with the results for Glass Menagerie - I decided to present the apartment as though it were a circular curio cabinet itself, using clear corroplast as the walls, and screening and sheer fabric. Gavin McDonald, who lit the show finally, did a wonderful job, making everything look great (even the portrait of the father is acetate with a paper backing, letting light through). Excellent performances, good experience all round.

Home for Saturday night, and several visits to collect props and costumes for Amahl. Should be a great show, first rehearsal on Tuesday.
Monday night Patrick and I spent together celebrating our five years together - since our first date. Had dinner at the River Bend. Wonderful night, great to see him. Back to Barrie the next day.

Trying to keep on top of everything for Home for Christmas since last Tuesday has been a challenge. Two right on top of each other is a bit much, without any staff. We'll pull this one off though. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Which brings me to tonight. The breaker controlling the lights in the barn (scenic art and wardrobe) went off once, just prior to Patrick calling (which freaked me out). Then, around 9 p.m., the breaker went again. So I gave up. Can't sew in the dark.

Well there you go.
Wonderful to be here,
Much love to you,
Michael

MIB - Missing in Barrie, not Men in Black

2005-10-14T21:06:00.000-04:00

Well,

To introduce everyone to the theme and tone of the following emails over the next eight months, I must explain: having the dubious honour as Designer in Residence at Talk is Free Theatre, I'll regale you with tales unimaginable and bizarre, beautiful and serene; I may bore you with contemplations of a mere detail, or bore you with in-exact descriptions and superficial observations of little substance. All the while attempting to impart the creature of the near-north, a city without centre, a little theatre (unknown or known) and my experiences of said community. Some alcohol will be consumed, most certainly. The rest will reveal itself slowly. Since I'm a poor typist.

Ah, October! The month of beautiful colour, mixed weather to please all, and the start of a contract to which I could not balk (since finding eight months of work in the design field is seldom). Arriving in Barrie to note the already progressing leaves, compared to Niagara, and a slightly noticable temperature change. Of little consequence, since I AM CANADIAN. Speaking of which, the address: 100 Molson Park Drive. The theatre utilizes the vacant space of a most recognizable Canadian institution, The Beer Store. No doubt a high-traffic area in it's day, especially considering it had (still has) a DRIVE THROUGH. How unusual. After all our attempts to curb drinking and driving . . .

I get to the theatre, not knowing where I'll be living yet, since the producer has been left responsible for this, and begin to unpack my design gear. Just enough to get me through the next week or two, not the whole bundle. Some model building equip., limited drafting supplies, sketching materials. I select what has been an empty space until now, and begin to nest.

I decide I'm hungrier than I am inspired to work, and need to empty the car. However, I'm told by Michelle, our production manager with whom I will be staying, we have no fridge. So, my perishables are left behind in the theatre fridge, and off I go to our abode.

I hate secrets more than anything, and if we're not allowed to tell people where we're living, I'm even more compelled to reveal the location. However, you will all have to trust that it is a nice, reasonably clean, convenient apartment/house (though ill equiped, no fridge or stove, but a washer and dryer, which is very convenient). Or you could ask Patrick, who is the only person allowed to know. Needs a bit of a clean, but otherwise is servicable home. Oh, Michelle has a baby, John Paul, about 7 months old right now, who is cute and quiet (not that I would notice during the night since I sleep like the dead), but he's certainly well behaved and Michelle is a very good mother. So the "no fridge" situation has been/was a problem, since baby food and bottles and things like refridgeration occasionally. Week one, therefore, wasted alot of time discussing/arranging a fridge. As of today, we have a second fridge, and have returned the first fridge we borrowed. My back will be better by Sunday, I'm sure. We do have a microwave again. After an event (which was held at our apartment, and no it was not a party which we threw) this past Wednesday, we noticed not only had the microwave been removed, but the dining room table and one chair had gone missing. And someone decided it was easier to throw our bathroom articles all onto Michelle's bed, after unmaking the bed. A confusing, slightly aggravating evening, with us returning to the "apartment" to find the doors to our bedrooms locked - keys which no-one has. Building security had to jimmy the windows to get us in. I'm glad they did it.

And I'm designing and building a show. Really I am, even though I haven't cut a single piece of lumber, and made only the slightest of dents into the props and costumes list. I know, I'm already behind. Oh, and the show is The Glass Menagerie. Not a show most designers choose to sneeze out. And trying to make the apartment into a circular curio cabinet is challenging enough.

Well, there is more, but I think I should let my eyes rest. Oh, and the new fridge needs to be properly cleaned. Talk to you soon,

Michael